Why Should We Prepare for Grief in the Classroom?

Death isn’t on the curriculum.

But given the statistics—and the lasting impact of unresolved grief—it probably should be.

Every 22 minutes in the UK, a parent of a child under 18 dies. And according to national estimates, 1 in 29 children aged 5–16 has been bereaved of a parent or sibling. Statistically, that’s a child in every average classroom.

While the loss may directly affect only one child, the ripples can be felt across the entire school community—peers, teachers, and families alike. Grief has no timetable, no script, and no regard for term dates. It arrives when it arrives, and often leaves school staff feeling unsure of what to say or how to help.

Resilience Has Its Limits

Teachers are among the most resilient professionals out there. But being the strong one—again and again—takes its toll, especially when you or your students are experiencing loss.If you’re grieving yourself—perhaps after the death of a loved one, a student, or a colleague—know that your own emotional reserves matter.

Teaching through personal grief is heavy work. It’s easy to “carry on” because that’s what we do—but unresolved grief builds quietly over time. Seeking support, asking for space, and modelling healthy emotional expression can benefit both you and your pupils.

When the Loss Is Within the School

The death of a teacher or staff member can send shockwaves through a school. It disrupts routines, relationships, and the emotional safety of the community. Children may be confused or frightened, while staff are simultaneously expected to lead, support, and grieve. In such moments, clarity and compassion matter.

Honest, age-appropriate communication; acknowledgement of the loss; opportunities for collective remembrance—all of these help re-establish a sense of stability. And never underestimate the power of simply naming the person and allowing space to remember.

Language Matters

It’s natural to want to soften the edges of something as painful as death—especially when talking to children. That’s why phrases like “gone to sleep” or “we lost them” often come up. But while they sound gentle to adults, they can confuse or even worry children. Younger children, in particular, take things literally. They might start fearing sleep or worry about getting lost themselves.

Instead, try to use clear and calm language that helps them understand what’s happened.

You might say:

“They don’t feel hungry or thirsty anymore, they aren’t in pain, and we won’t see them again… but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about them.”

Giving children permission to talk about the person they’ve lost can be incredibly powerful—especially if the home environment is disrupted by adult grief or silence. You might be offering the only space where they feel they can talk.

If religion or belief systems are involved, try this inclusive approach:

“Lots of people believe different things about what happens when someone dies. What do you think?”

Grief Doesn’t Follow a Straight Line

Children (and adults) don’t grieve in neat, predictable ways.

A child who appears “fine” in the first few weeks may later display regressive behaviours, struggle with learning, or act out. This is often misunderstood—but it’s a natural part of how grief manifests.

Children are known to puddle jump—they dip in and out of grief depending on their emotional capacity. One moment they’re laughing, the next they’re overwhelmed. This coping mechanism helps them manage intense feelings, but it’s tiring. Months down the line, they may experience emotional exhaustion, memory lapses, or a dip in achievement.

For teenagers, grief is often complicated by their developmental need for independence. They may withdraw, push adults away, or show changes in behaviour like lateness or missed work. These are often signs of grief, not defiance.

Working With Families

Grief is shaped by culture, family norms, and religious beliefs. In some communities, it’s discussed openly. In others, children are shielded from any mention of death.That’s why communication with the family is essential. Understand how they are talking about the death (if at all), what language or customs they want honoured, and what kind of support they feel is appropriate. This ensures you’re not undermining or contradicting what’s happening at home.

If you plan to explore death as a classroom topic—whether through books, PSHE, or reflection activities—it’s important to treat it with the same care and protocol as sex education. Parents should be informed in advance, shown any materials, and given the opportunity to ask questions or opt out.

What Teachers Can Do

Although it can sometimes feel like you’re expected to wear all the hats, you are not a therapist—and no one is expecting you to be.

But even without specialist training, your calm presence, steady routines, and ability to notice when something’s not quite right can make a real difference to a grieving child.

Here’s how:

Use clear, age-appropriate language when talking about death

Acknowledge the loss, even simply: “I heard what happened. I’m really sorry.”

Check in regularly—not just in the early days

Watch for signs of delayed grief (behaviour changes, drop in performance)

Stay in close communication with families to understand their wishes

Maintain routines and structure to help children feel secure

Let children talk—or not talk—on their own terms

Create gentle opportunities for remembrance (memory books, quiet time, creative outlets)

Final Thoughts

Grief is personal, unpredictable, and often invisible. But it doesn’t have to be isolating. When schools respond with compassion, curiosity, and consistency, they become a safe place to grieve, heal, and slowly move forward.

You don’t need to have the perfect words. Your quiet presence, your patience, and your care—that’s what truly supports children through loss.

Sometimes, just being there is enough.

If you’d like to explore more about how trauma impacts children in the classroom—and how you can offer the kind of support that makes a real difference—our Introduction to Trauma and Attachment course on SkillsBridge is a great next step.

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